| Location | Newcastle Upon Tyne |
| Age | 25 years |
| Date of Birth | 2/1979 |
| Date of Death | 4/2004 |
| Visitors | 2,567 since 14/04/2006 |
| Creator |
Mary was was intelligent, beautiful, creative, eloquent, excitable, and an individual.
When we were children I just remember her being full of energy and had a strong presence in the
family. She could be quiet but showed off too and was musical and dramatic. She read a lot but was
far from bookish. She was bright, funny and as an adult was extremely stylish. She was cheeky, had
strong principles and made her beliefs and opinions known. She could be fiery and was really good
at arguments – she knew just what to say to wind you up.
In her illness,Mary was thin, pale, very quiet, withdrawn and paranoid. She was tearful, depressed,
said very little and lacked any enthusiasm. She seemed unable to see the positive side of life or
events. She seemed to have very low self-esteem and was pre-occupied by other people’s view of
her – even those in the periphery of her life e.g. Friends’ friends or strangers. At this time,
Mary and I communicated very frequently. We spoke every day or every other day and yet we seemed to
have the same circular conversations. She was very difficult to ‘get through to’ and this was
frustrating for her and for me. Mary could not believe the simplest of truths – she was loved and
that was all that mattered.
In the 6 weeks prior to Mary’s death I spoke to her almost every day. I knew she was ill, I knew
she was deeply depressed. I believed that the severity of her depression would be cared for and
protected by medical professionals. I did more than once offer for her to come and stay with us but
only on the proviso that it was the best place, that is: I did not want to take her out a situation
where she had access to her GP and the crisis team. A couple of times after I had spoken with her,
I was worried about Mary’s safety but as she was still talking to me, I figured that if she ever
felt that bad, she would tell someone or me. I wish desperately that I knew that she felt it was
better to die. Although we skirted around the subject, we never really ‘had it out’. I wish we
had had that conversation ; I could have tried to make her realise that what she finally chose was
not a choice. We have all been left wihout her.
5TH JUNE 2009
ITS HARD TO HIDE A BROKEN HEART.........
HOW CAN ANYONE SEE MY BROKEN HEART
THEY WOULD NOT KNOW WHERE TO START
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING ANYONE CAN SEE
MY HEART IS HIDING INSIDE OF ME.
I SURE THAT IF IT COULD BLEED IT WOULD
PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF ARE MISUNDERSTOOD
WE ARE ALL HURTING AND IN SO MUCH PAIN
LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.
THE TEARS OF SADDNESS I CANNOT HELP BUT WEEP
MY BROKEN HEART IS MINE ALONE TO KEEP
ONLY ANOTHER PERSON LIKE MYSELF WOULD KNOW
JUST HOW HARD IT IS TO LET OUR REAL FEELINGS SHOW........
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__________o_________ _GOODNIGHT DARLING. X
copyright� Rosalind Roberts.
I found a picture of your smiling face
Bringing old memories that I had locked away
The burden of anger from a heart filled with pain
Was finally lifted and I smile at you again
If time is a healer
Then all hearts that break
Are put back together again
'Cause love heals the wound it makes
I spoke such harsh words before goodbye
Well I wanted to hurt you for the tears you made
You made me cry
All my hopes and dreams, well they started vanishing
Those tender hurt feelings became a dangerous thing
All of the years we spent together
Well they’re part of my life forever
I hold the joy with the pain
And the truth is I miss you my friend
thinking of you
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
NATIONAL SUICIDE AWARENESS DAY 16th April 2008
Although I did not know Mary very well , I was discussing recently with a colleague who also attended St. Anthonys ,names of people I attended school with in my year and Mary's name was mentioned. But I was not aware what had happened until my colleague told me. Very sad and sorry to hear that she passed away.
My condolances...
I have only recently found out about Mary's passing and I'm shocked and sad. She was such a character at school and later became one of my favourite bar maids. My thoughts go out to all her family and friends.
Do you hear me crying?
Sitting here remembering,
The smile upon your face
And how it made the world light up
You were full of heavenly grace.
No longer can I see your face
For you are with God above
But your loving smile will always be
Tucked in my heart with love.
I know you wouldn’t want to see
Me crying the way I do,
But losing you was a part of me
And days, I can’t make it through.
Do you hear me crying?
It’s because some days I’m down
I look around for you,
But you’re nowhere to be found.
Only pictures now remain of you;
Special songs that meant so much
So if you hear me crying,
It’s because I can’t feel your touch.
Sometimes I think I see you,
On a crowded street or mall.
I then run up and call your name,
But it wasn’t you at all.
My heart still aches in sadness
And tears, oh how they flow!
What it meant to lose you,
No one will ever know.
So, if you hear me crying,
It’s something I can’t control
Just understand my darling,
When I’m again with you, I’ll be whole.
“Author”
Ruth Ann Mahaffey
©copyright Sept 2007
hugs from heaven
by Charlotte Anselmo
When you feel a gentle breeze
Caress you when you sigh
It's a hug sent from Heaven
From a loved one way up high.
If a soft and tender raindrop
Lands upon your nose
They've added a small kiss
As fragile as a rose.
If a song you hear fills you
With a feeling of sweet love
It's a hug sent from Heaven
From someone special up above.
If you awaken in the morning
To a bluebird's chirping song
It's music sent from Heaven
To cheer you all day long.
If tiny little snowflakes
Land upon your face
It's a hug sent from Heaven
Trimmed with Angel lace.
So keep the joy in your heart
If you're lonely my dear friend
Hugs that are sent from Heaven
A broken heart will mend
hiya Monica...I am so sorry for your sad loss of Mary, lots of love to you and your family, love sheila
Reflection
Another day for you to wonder, another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go without words said.
My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.
Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsure
It wasn't my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn't my intention to leave you and not stay.
I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn't my intention to leave you, forever asking why
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
it wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart
please look on the LINKS at GTS and you will find a group set up especially for those that lost a loved ones this way...it may help
Monica,
I lost my sister in the same way you lost Mary. It took such a long time for me to accept that sometimes love just is not enough to keep someone with us. I also wish I understood why but in time I learned that the answer for that so tragically lay within the actions and determination of my sister, not my own. My felings for my sister at times remain complicated. At times I feel anger and frustration and a deep sense of abandonment and hopelessness and I too remember those long days of feeling utterly helpless at not being able to "get through" to her. I also spend long nights wondering where she is and often cry in desperation to turn back the clock and somehow make it different for her. Mostly, though, as painful as it is, I love her deeply still and miss her more as the years pass. Please try to find comfort in the knowledge that Mary will have felt your love for her and that she truly did what she believed would find her the peace that she deserved. I believe that she will now be at peace in her own heaven and one day you'll get the chance to meet her again and be able to have the time together that was not possible during her stay in this world.
I know thatall of this from a stranger really doesn't help take the pain away but I felt compelled to write and I hope you understand what I am trying to say - words are very hard to find.
Love and strength to you (and your other sisters)/
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